Dear Rachel,

With spring finally approaching, I can’t wait to shed this heavy coat and start enjoying warmer days. The days are getting longer and I’m sure most of us who were stuck in the cold weather are looking forward to spending more time outdoors.

I received a question from one of my subscribers, Brett, who is in his 30′s and has been dating a woman for a little over a year. He is agonizing over whether to break up with her. He complains that he doesn’t feel a spark with her. He enjoys her company and respects her as a person but wants to feel “head over heels” for the woman he is dating. He said he’s afraid to break up, as he doesn’t know if what he wants really exists out there. He asks: “Is this as good as it gets? Should I give up a wonderful and kind woman for a possible fantasy?”

I told Brett that having a spark is important regardless of whether you have it instantaneously with someone or if it grows as you get to know each other. The spark keeps a relationship exciting and motivates you to get more involved, grow and evolve together. It helps to sustain the physical and emotional intimacy.

There are many wonderful and attractive people out there so no one should have to settle out of fear. I advised Brett to try to overcome his fear of being alone. He needs to see this as an opportunity to explore and process what it would be like to be on his own and single.

It is also unfair to his girlfriend because she deserves to be with someone who feels that spark for her. I suggested to Brett that if there is no spark, he might want to free himself so that he could get out there and start dating other women. Dating gives you a point of reference as you meet people and figure out what is important and who resonates for you. You should never feel that you have to settle. As with everything in life, we need to look for what we want and try to obtain it so that we can enjoy, live to the fullest, and have no regrets.

Should Brett take the risk and break up with his girlfriend? He deserves to feel the spark in a relationship. You never know what the universe has in store for us and the surprises that await us.

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Betsy Writes,
I’ve been alone for a big part of my life and haven’t had much success in relationships. Recently I met a man who seemed perfect at first. We’ve now been together about 6 months and I’m starting to see flaws in him – things that I don’t know if I can move past (he has trust issues, anger issues, etc.) However, I don’t want to break up with him because I’m afraid I won’t find anyone else. What should I do?

· It’s very important to check in with yourself and figure out what your negotiable and non-negotiable characteristics are in a mate the relationship you want to be in.

· When I work with my clients, they become very clear about what they are looking for in a partner and relationship—they don’t get involved with someone if they don’t have the traits and values that are fundamentally important to them in a relationship. This is what dating is about—figuring out what you want and can live with.

· You also want to make sure that you give a relationship a chance even if you see flaws– We all have them—you decide what you are willing to work with and what you cannot live with.

You should never settle for anyone– because then the universe will not send you what you ultimately want and deserve.

Best Wishes to you Betsy. And for all of you watching feel free to email me at if you want me to answer any relationship questions

And for more tips and ways to communicate in your relationship go to Where you can click on free updates. You can also use the link below this video. Thank you so much for watching. Have a beautiful week!

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