Everyone has his or her individual communication style, especially when it comes to arguing.

It’s not uncommon for someone to tell their partner in the heat of an argument “I hate you,” or that they “want a divorce” even when they don’t mean it.

What happens after the heat of the moment has passed?

Damaging statements can have lingering damage to the trust, commitment, and intimacy of a relationship.

You can let it go but your partner might not be able to. Those harsh words said in fits of anger linger.

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Action Tip: Your partner needs to hear how hurtful the words are for him/her and how much power they have. They need to be made aware of the invisible scars that the words leave every time they argue. You may need time to build trust again with your partner.

During an argument, you might want to count to ten before saying something you regret. Or, it is a wise idea for both people to call for a temporary separation and agree to speak again at a designated time.

Learning anger management strategies and using them when things escalate during an argument can prevent a lot of these statements.

Access your Free Guide HERE To Beat The Bickering: 5 Simple and Proven Tips To Communicate Without Clashing 

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Relationships are complicated. I have witnessed many of my couples enter a pattern where one person pursues the conflict and the other pulls away from it. 
If one partner is pulling away, the other is more likely to hit the accelerator and pursue in an effort to work through the conflict.

The pursuer may feel neglected, abandoned and rejected while the person who withdraws may feel controlled. This can lead to hostility and often escalates the argument.

When tension rises in your relationship do you make pursue or withdraw from your partner?

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As the pursuer, know that when your partner shuts down, it’s an effort to avoid the conflict – not you. The partner who pulls away needs to say “I just need space and time to think.”

Action Tip: The person who withdraws needs to purposely schedule the time for having the discussion. If the pursuer knows when there will be time to talk, it will be easier for him or her to back off pursuit of connection.

Try and approach the conversation in the same way you’d approach a friend. Talk calmly and stay relaxed. Listen and try to understand each other’s feelings and figure out why he/she withdrew. Doing this will avoid the pattern and help you move past the conflict faster.

And don’t forget to pay attention to the little things. It’s often in the small statements or an action that he shows you how much he/she still cares.

Access your Free Guide HERE To Beat The Bickering: 5 Simple and Proven Tips To Communicate Without Clashing 

 

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