Statistics estimate that over 40% of Americans have at least one step-relative. Three-in-ten have a step or half sibling, 18% have a living stepparent, and 13% have at least one stepchild.
Blended families are becoming the norm, but the relationship survival statistics are grim. Over 60 percent of marriages involving children from previous relationships fail.
Marrying someone with children from a previous relationship can take a toll on your marriage. Keep reading to find out here the biggest problems blended families face.
1. Disciplining as a Step-Parent
One of the most common blended family problems is learning how to discipline as a step-parent. Step-children often act out, especially after their life has been drastically altered by a new marriage.
Maybe they’re ignoring your simple requests to contribute to household chores. Or maybe they’re testing their boundaries when it comes to curfews and arguments.
Whatever the case may be, it’s not easy. And the most common response you may hear when attempting to discipline is, “You’re not my real parent!”
So now what?
The first step is to discuss the misbehaviors with your partner. Bring them up to speed with the issues and talk about what punishments they feel are appropriate.
Then, approach the child together, as a team. Let the biological parent do the talking, but make sure they use words that represent you as a couple, such as, “We feel that you’re acting out.”
If you are already a parent, you’ve probably already established a set of rules. It’s important that you and your partner discuss this and establish the same rules that stay consistent throughout the household. Over time, your presence will become more accepted and you’ll gain more authority and control as a parental unit.
2. Getting Used to a New Life
Life as a blended family is never simple, both you and your children may have issues adjusting to a new life.
Maybe in previous years your weekends consisting of solo movie nights and shopping trips with your teenager daughter. But now, add a toddler and an elementary school-aged child to the family and your weekends will look a lot different. Now you’re juggling the interests and schedule of three children — all while attempting to keep the romance alive in your relationship.
One of the biggest mistakes step couples make is not putting the needs of their relationship first. Make sure you are prioritizing your relationship and working together as a solid team.
3. Bonding as One Unit
Another one of the common blended family challenges you’ll likely face is bonding as one unit.
If dad always handles his biological child’s activities and mom handles her own child’s schedule, you may as well still be living as two separate households. Instead, work hard to include everyone in the family when attending events. Encourage step-children to cheer on their siblings at sporting events and share interests during free time. You want to be more than just the person who married their parent and therefore is legally their stepparent. You want to be someone they bond with, care about, and want to be a part of their lives.
Along with that, it’s important that you establish new traditions as a blended family. Holidays and vacations are often tainted with memories and traditions from the first marriage.
Instead, create new traditions that include all family members. Try cooking a family meal together for Christmas or having a putt-putt tournament on every family vacation. No matter what tradition you create, your family will enjoy bonding and learn to grow stronger in their relationships with each other.
On top of being a family, you need to work hard to keep your relationship with your partner alive. A second marriage is never easy so you’ll need to increase your communication with each other to succeed.
Helping Blended Families Overcome Problems
If your blended family is experiencing any of these problems, know that you’re not alone. All of these problems, and many more, are typical and expected.
It’s important to allow the kids time to grieve. This type of change can be difficult for children who still struggle to deal with the separation of their parents. While a new marriage can bring joy and new memories, it is also an end to their previous family dynamics.
But what can you do to overcome these issues? Besides the solutions presented here, consider family counseling. You can choose to include the whole family or focus on couples counseling to secure the family’s foundation.
If you are having issues step parenting The Relationship Suite offers therapy sessions for blended families. Contact us today if you’re ready to become a stronger blended family.
The Relationship Suite
We are a group of skilled therapists specializing in couples/marriage counseling. Since Covid started we have been working with couples providing Online Couples Counseling in New York, New York City including Manhattan, Queens, Brooklyn, Bronx, Staten Island, Long Island, South Hampton, East Hampton, Montauk. Schedule a complimentary consultation by clicking HERE.
Due to Covid we are also providing Virtual Couples Counseling in New Jersey, Hoboken, Jersey City, Princeton, Chatham, Morris, Westfield, Union, Bergen County, Colts Neck, Tenafly. Schedule a complimentary consultation by clicking HERE.
