Rachel Moheban LCSW PLLC | 352 7th Avenue, Suite 1111, New York, NY 10001 | 1-917-273-8836 | Chelsea, Midtown, Upper West Side, New York

You’re just so busy, busy … BUSY! The relationship you have with your partner is and should be more important than anything else in your life. However, due to the hustle and bustle of everyday life, you take your partner for granted. And before you know it, your needs aren’t being met, and neither are the needs of your partner.

But it’s not your fault. We don’t realize that we have to put effort into nurturing our relationships. Sure, we’ll run to the therapist when things aren’t going well, but I talk to my clients about taking the necessary steps to prevent the flames from fading in the first place. How can long-term couples keep the spark alive and the fire burning in their relationship? 

Here are four tips which will help keep the spark alive in your relationship.

  1. Communicate Your Needs
    When difficult issues arise, it’s important that you make time so each of you have a chance to talk about your feelings. The type of talking where you will both have a voice and commit to constructively discuss and work through your problems, both as individuals and as a couple.
    It’s important to put all relevant facts and feelings on the table so you can lay out a good foundation for communicating. You want your partner to hear and respect your needs, but you can only do this by creating open dialogue. Communicating your needs is critical and keeps your relationship healthy. 
  2. Schedule Intimacy Dates
    I recommend you and your partner work on your making time for physical intimacy and making sure you find time in your busy schedules for weekly intimacy dates. Intimacy dates are organic experiences to foster physical connection and involves a little more than talking or touching. Intimacy dates do not have to end in physical intimacy. It’s important to plan for them and pick locations where there there are no distractions. The purpose of the intimacy dates is to keep your sexual relationship alive.
  3. Don’t Blame Your Partner
    Frustration begins to fester when your physical and emotional needs are not met. Often, instead of working together as a team to discover what lies at the heart of intimacy issues, destructive emotions such as blame and guilt hurt the relationship. It is easier to point the finger at your partner than to question how you contribute to the problem. When you start blaming each other, reclaiming your passion for one another becomes even harder. Remember: Intimacy is a collective experience shared by partners, not individuals.
  4. Initiate Intimacy
    It’s important to make your partner feel desirable. Unfortunately, I’ve seen people have difficulty initiating physical affection and intimacy with their partners either because of unresolved anger or out of fear of being rejected. The problem here is that this prevents them from putting energy and effort into this important area of their partnership. You want to keep the relationship “alive” by making sure your partner feels desired by you. Initiating intimacy reminds your partner that you are attracted to them and want to feel close and connected. 

I encourage you to follow these tips and commit to taking action as the rewards will help give you lasting satisfaction and sustained passion in your relationship.

If you need help bringing the spark back into your relationship CONTACT US. We are a group of skilled therapists with over 20 years of experience specializing in couples counseling in New York City, Scarsdale, East Hampton Buffalo and Albany. Click Here to learn more about our Online/Virtual or In Person Counseling Services: Couples Counseling 


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