You’re just so busy, busy … BUSY! The relationship you have with your partner is and should be more important than anything else in your life. However, due to the hustle and bustle of everyday life, you take your partner for granted. And before you know it, your needs aren’t being met, and neither are the needs of your partner.

But it’s not your fault. We just aren’t taught how to nurture our relationships. Sure, we’ll run to the therapist when things are going bad, but I talk to my clients about taking the necessary steps to prevent the flames from fading in the first place. How can couples keep the spark alive? How can long-term couples keep the fire burning?

Here are four tips which will help keep the spark alive in your relationship.

  1. Communicate Your Needs
    When difficult issues arise, it’s important that each of you have a chance to talk it out. The type of talking where you will both have a voice and commit to constructively discuss your problems, both as individuals and as a couple.
    It’s important to put all relevant facts and feelings on the table so you can lay out a good foundation for communicating. You want your partner to hear and respect your needs, but you can only do this by creating open dialogue. Communicating your needs is critical for every healthy relationship.
  2. Schedule Intimacy Dates
    I recommend you and your partner work on your physical connection and find time in your busy schedules for weekly intimacy dates. Intimacy dates are organic experiences to foster physical connection and involves a little more than talking or touching. Intimacy dates do not have to end in physical intimacy. It’s important to schedule them and find a location where there are no distractions. The purpose of the intimacy dates is to keep your sexual relationship alive.
  3. Don’t Blame Your Partner
    Frustration often mounts when your physical and emotional needs are not met. All too often, instead of working together as a team to discover what lies at the heart of intimacy issues, familiar and destructive emotions such as blame and guilt plague a relationship. It is easier to point the finger at your partner than to question how you contribute to the problem. When you start blaming each other, reclaiming your passion for one another becomes even harder. Remember: Intimacy is a collective experience shared by partners, not individuals.
  4. Initiate Intimacy
    It’s important to make your partner feel desirable. Unfortunately, I’ve seen people have difficulty initiating physical affection and intimacy with their partners either because of unresolved anger or out of fear of being rejected. The problem here is that this prevents them from putting energy into this important area of their partnership. You want to keep the relationship “alive” by physically connecting and not falling into feeling distant and disconnected from your partner.

I encourage you to follow these tips and take action as the rewards can help give you lasting satisfaction and sustained passion in your relationship.

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