When offering relationship advice, something that I remind my clients when they’re in the process of choosing someone to share their life with, is they need to look for the kind of person who will be able to support them, nurture them and help them to evolve into a better version of themselves. After all, that’s one of the benefits of having a true love experience.
But sometimes there’s a fine line between expecting someone to be a good partner and looking for them to be your savior. In hopes that you will not put unrealistic expectations on your relationship, I want to provide five warning signs that you might be expecting from the love of your life to be more than human.
You don’t tend to take personal responsibility. Relationships are an opportunity to help you to grow as an individual. That can only happen if you’re willing to take personal responsibility for the mistakes or poor choices that you make. Don’t assume that your partner should “bail you out” so much as help you out.
You have a hard time forgiving. Something that all of us need to accept before getting into a relationship with someone is that they are human and so they are going to make mistakes. When you’re someone who has a hard time forgiving or you tend to hold a grudge, it’s a sign that you are resenting someone for not meeting your expectations and that’s not fair to you or to them. You want someone to forgive you when you don’t make the best choices, right? Try and extend the same courtesy to them.
You look to your partner to make you feel good about yourself. If you don’t feel smart, beautiful and accomplished before getting into a relationship, there’s a big chance that you’re going to expect your partner to be your self-esteem cheerleader on a constant basis. And while it’s always a good thing to be with someone who can affirm and encourage you, they should not be expected to make you feel good about yourself all the time. That is something that you need to do for yourself.
You expect your partner to be your “void filler”. When I give out relationship advice to singles, one of the things I tell them is that being single is beneficial in the sense that it provides you with the opportunity to really get to know who you are. Not just as it relates to your likes and dislikes or dating preferences but also the space to look at how your past directly influences your future. If you have issues with your parents or an ex-boyfriend, it’s really best to try and resolve that before getting into a serious relationship. If you don’t, you could inadvertently expect your significant other to be the “void filler” in your life. By that I mean, you might hold them responsible for or accountable to the things that happened to you long before they ever came into the picture. And that’s too much pressure for anyone to have to deal with.
You want your partner to be “Mr./Mrs. Fix It”. Your partner is not going to have all of the answers all of the time. Besides, the sign of a true partnership is that the two of you are willing to work together in order to figure out solutions to problems. If you are looking for your partner to be “Mr./Mrs. Fix It” for every obstacle that comes your way, not only are you setting yourself up to be disappointed but you’re also setting them up for failure.
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