Relationships are complicated. I have witnessed many of my couples enter a pattern where one person pursues the conflict and the other pulls away from it. 
If one partner is pulling away, the other is more likely to hit the accelerator and pursue in an effort to work through the conflict.

The pursuer may feel neglected, abandoned and rejected while the person who withdraws may feel controlled. This can lead to hostility and often escalates the argument.

When tension rises in your relationship do you make pursue or withdraw from your partner?

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As the pursuer, know that when your partner shuts down, it’s an effort to avoid the conflict – not you. The partner who pulls away needs to say “I just need space and time to think.”

Action Tip: The person who withdraws needs to purposely schedule the time for having the discussion. If the pursuer knows when there will be time to talk, it will be easier for him or her to back off pursuit of connection.

Try and approach the conversation in the same way you’d approach a friend. Talk calmly and stay relaxed. Listen and try to understand each other’s feelings and figure out why he/she withdrew. Doing this will avoid the pattern and help you move past the conflict faster.

And don’t forget to pay attention to the little things. It’s often in the small statements or an action that he shows you how much he/she still cares.

Access your Free Guide HERE To Beat The Bickering: 5 Simple and Proven Tips To Communicate Without Clashing 

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