There’s something I’d like to share with you that could change your whole viewpoint about your relationship and relationships in general.
Here it is…
You. Can’t. Fix. Your. Partner!
In theory, yes, but in practice, it’s not so easy.
Many relationships have one partner who is a ‘fixer’ – ‘fixers’ are people who get into relationships thinking (consciously/sub-consciously) that they will be able to ‘fix’ or change their partner.
In my experience in working not only with couples, but with people in general, is that it is not possible to change someone – each person needs to a) want to change and b) work on themselves to make the change.
So, if this sounds familiar to you and you think that you may be a ‘fixer’ yourself, here are some tips for you to stop your fixing ways:
- Accept that your partner needs to want to work on him/herself
- If your partner is not aware that he/she needs to work on certain things, subtly and sensitively help him/her come to this realization
- Help your partner to take action steps to achieve this, without offering your solution
- Have patience, understanding and be a support system (but not a problem-solver) through the process
- Last but not least, turn things around and scrutinize yourself to see where you need to work on yourself (all of us could do with a little self-improvement).
If your need to fix goes deeper than this and stems from a childhood issue, or past experience, this may require a little more work and perhaps some individual psychotherapy.
To find out more about my services click here: Couples Counseling