What does sexy look like?

Is a woman sexy if she’s skinny? Curvy? Strong? What if a man is tall? Is he sexier than someone who’s average in height?

When it comes to defining sex appeal, society seems to have it all laid out for us, right? So when you or your spouse put on a few extra pounds, chances are you’re feeling a little less… sexy.

It’s a big time problem.

I’ve met too many people who put their relationships and sex lives on hold because they don’t feel sexy. When asked what they consider sexy, the answer is usually in line with what the media defines as sexy – not themselves.

Cultural stereotypes affect this too. A few decades ago, curvy was sexy. Then, skinny became the new sexy. Now, strong is the new skinny and is considered sexy.

When you dislike your body, it affects your sex life. This was the problem Tina, a subscriber here, had recently.

She wrote, “My husband and I have been together for five years and just got married a year ago. We always had a healthy sex life but recently I haven’t been in the mood to have sex because I don’t like how my body looks anymore and don’t feel sexy. It’s affecting my marriage because my husband doesn’t understand me and still feels attracted to me. He is starting to complain about the lack of sex and intimacy in our relationship. I want to satisfy my husband but how could I do this when I no longer feel sexy?”

DeathtoStock Clementine10

My advice: Sexy comes from within.

I have counseled many models that were extremely thin but didn’t feel sexy or desirable. I have also worked with women who were overweight and didn’t have issues with self-image or sex.

Sexy is subjective. It has to do with how you feel about yourself. It’s not a physical quality but an attitude.

It’s common to gain weight in your first year of marriage. You’re in your comfort zone now so you might not pay as close attention to your weight. To break the cycle and get back to feeling your best, become aware of what caused the weight gain.

It’s time for you to take back control!

By taking action and doing whatever you can to feel better about yourself, you’ll have a healthier self-esteem. Small lifestyle changes can have a dramatic impact on your overall health – mental and physical.

Pay more attention to what makes you feel sexy and do more of that. Practice showing yourself love and acceptance, you’re worth it.

At the same time, be open and honest with your husband. He’s still attracted to you. Trust him when he expresses his love for you and your body. Put energy into moving past the insecurity with time spent doing fun things together. Structure weekly date nights and focus on rekindling the intimacy you had only a few months ago.

Now it’s your turn. Has weight gain hurt your sexuality? I’m curious to know if this common insecurity is affecting your relationship.

Are you ready to learn an effective strategy on how to create more intimacy in your relationship? Click here

 To find out more about my services click here: Couples Counseling