Does it sometimes feel like you and your spouse are speaking two completely different languages? That might be because you are speaking two different languages—two different love languages, that is.
Back in 1992, author/pastor/relationship guru Gary Chapman wrote a book called The Five Love Languages. It broke down the five love languages and what they each entailed.
Since then, many married couples have used the book to figure out how to express love to their spouse using their love language. It’s safe to say that it has helped millions of people communicate and show their love for one another more effectively.
If you feel as though you’re struggling to express your love to your partner right now, you need to make sure you’re speaking their love language when you do it. Here is what you should say or do based on your partners specific love language.
Words of Affirmation
If your spouse’s love language is words of affirmation, it means that they express their love to you through the spoken word. They say things like:
- “I appreciate everything that you do for me”
- “You are such a wonderful husband/wife”
- “I love you so much”
These are things that all married couples might say to each other. But for those who speak this particular love language, it’s an almost daily occurrence.
You should work hard to compliment and praise your spouse if they fall into this category. Talking to them about how much you love them is how to express love to them.
Acts of Service
They say that actions speak louder than words, and those who speak this love language definitely believe that. They’re all about showing their spouse that they love them by doing things like:
- Taking care of the dishes after dinner
- Helping with chores on Saturday afternoon
- Preparing a delicious meal after a long day at work
Does this sound like your spouse? You can express your love for them by finding ways to serve them.
Going out of your way without being asked will go a long way towards making them feel loved.
Does your spouse get excited every time you walk through the front door with a bouquet of flowers “just because?” Do they look like they’re going to burst at any second when you surprise them with a present?
These kinds of spouses really respond to receiving gifts. They also tend to express their love for their significant others by giving them gifts.
Pay attention to how your spouse reacts when you give them a gift. Yes, everyone enjoys getting gifts, but those who speak this love language take things to the next level.
There are some people who don’t need to hear their spouse say that they love them or get a gift from their spouse to feel their love. They’re more than happy simply spending quality time with their spouse and feel the most loved when they have their spouse’s undivided attention.
It can be a little tricky to pick up on this particular love language since it’s more subtle than some of the other languages. But if your spouse speaks it, the key to their heart is going to be spending more one-on-one time with them.
The fifth and final love language is physical touch, which is exactly what it sounds like. People who speak this love language love to touch and be touched.
This might mean holding hands while you stroll through the park. It also might mean being physically intimate and then cuddling until you both drift off to sleep.
As long as you’re touching your spouse is some way, they’re going to feel your love if they speak this love language.
Why You Want to Learn How to Express Love to Your Spouse Better
As you can see, each of the five love languages is very different. They all call for you to figure out how to express love to your spouse in a specific way.
As you might imagine, many married couples start to experience problems when they’re not catering to one another’s respective love languages.
If, for example, you’re constantly trying to show your spouse how much you love them by saying, “I love you,” you might think you’re doing everything you can to express your love. But they might speak the acts of service language and wish you would pick up your wet towels off the bathroom floor instead to show your love.
Do you want to find out how to get you and your spouse on the same page? Contact us for couples counseling to learn how to use the love languages to your advantage.