Probably one of the biggest questions that I get asked in my practice is “Ok, so we’re working on our relationship after his/her affair, now how do we get our sex life back on track?”
The saying “Two’s company, three’s a crowd” especially rings true in the one place where you really need it to be just about the two of you – in the bedroom.
If you’ve been through infidelity or are going through it at the moment, you are probably wondering how it’s possible to ever get to the point of being romantic with your partner again.
Can I let you in on a secret?
You CAN keep the ghost of the ‘other person’ out of your bedroom, and I’m going to share a few tips on how to do this:
(This is not simply textbook stuff – it’s real, practical tools that I’ve seen work time and time again with my clients.)
- Start small – don’t dive in the deep end in troubled waters. Take things slow – start off with casual intimate contact such as giving each other a back rub, holding hands, and so on. Get familiar each other again slowly at a pace that’s comfortable for both of you.
- Schedule intimacy dates – each of you should create a dream intimate evening and share this with each other. Then schedule these evenings so that you each have a chance to experience your fantasy evening.
- No-one else is allowed in your bed – I don’t mean this literally (no need to kick the kids out the bed when they inevitably sneak in in the middle of the night). Don’t let bad memories, negative thoughts, fears and insecurities crawl under the covers. How do you prevent this? Don’t talk about the other person, don’t mention the affair and don’t argue in bed. Make your bedroom a place only for intimate moments and bonding.
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