It is normal to feel jealous from time to time. It is part of being human. But, if you don’t keep those feelings in check they can turn toxic—often leading to damaged relationships.
It doesn’t matter if a couple has been together for a few weeks or years, jealously can show its ugly face at any time. Jealousy stems from our own personal insecurities—how you see yourself, your self-confidence or even bad experiences from previous relationships. It is a largely addressed topic in couple’s therapy.
Luckily, there are several ways to get in control of this negative emotion and overcome jealous tendencies.
Recognize the Good in Yourself
We all have days where we feel less than others. We look at those around us and think he or she is better than us. Jealousy is a self-confidence issue. If you recognize the positive qualities and step into your power and strength that make you a good person, spouse, or partner you can feel more confident in your relationship.
We often fail to give ourselves credit for the positive things that make us who we are. Every individual is unique and brings their own distinct talents into a relationship. By focusing on those positive’s you will boost your self-esteem and be more equipped to ward off jealous feelings.
Remember You Are In Control
You might not be able to control how you feel but you can control what you do with those feelings. When we feel jealous our brain is telling us that we aren’t good enough and making us want something we don’t have (or think we don’t have). It is a signal that we need to take back control and not feed our insecurities. Don’t allow your imagination to overpower reality. Recognize that jealousy is often based on unfounded irrational thoughts and it’s important to decipher them with reality.
It might seem easiest to ignore your jealous feelings in hopes they will go away on their own. But, as with any negative emotion, if we ignore it for too long it can keep building leading us to make poor judgement. Instead, when you notice you are feeling jealous—ask yourself why? Why do you think you feel this way? Why is this situation setting you off? Then, remind yourself acting out in jealousy is wrong and harmful to your relationship.
Talk About It
Share your jealous feelings with a neutral party, a friend you can trust, a marriage counselor, or other trained mental health professional. Talking it out can often help you analyze your feelings better. Talk to someone who will ask the right questions to help you figure out what is ailing you. Writing it down can also be a helpful tool. Sometimes lay it out on paper makes it easier to assess.
Let Your Partner In
Jealousy is common in relationships. Whether provoked from success, demands on time, or an outside person, it needs to be addressed to keep your relationship healthy. Let your partner know you trust them, explain that your feelings come from a place of insecurity within. Or if you can’t figure out exactly why you feel the way you do, consider attending relationship or couples counseling to address the issue before it becomes toxic.
If you and your partner have been struggling with issues and feel stuck in your relationship, we are a group of skilled therapists specializing in couples/marriage counseling. Since Covid started we have been working with couples providing Online Therapy in New York, New York City, Scarsdale, East Hampton, Buffalo and Albany. Schedule a complimentary consultation by clicking HERE.