You talk, and talk, and talk, and… nothing. Why won’t your partner listen? You’re upset and you have a point to make. So why is he/she closed off and unreachable?

You verbally kick, scream, and cry out to be heard and still, it feels like you’re talking to a brick wall. What gives?

Communication is one of the toughest parts of any relationship. If you want to get your partner to listen without raising your voice, here are ten tips to improve your approach.

  1.Speak from an “I” perspective. 
The only person you can speak for is yourself. Describe how you’re feeling and what you want to have happen. Avoid the risk of sounding like you’re judging your partner or making assumptions by keeping your statements centered on your perspective.
2. Don’t be vague – stay focused! 
When you expect your partner to read between the lines and inherently understand your feelings, everyone loses. Refine your statements to be clear, concise, and focused on the matter at hand. By being completely clear about your intentions and meanings, you make it easier for your partner to listen to what you’re saying.
3. Balance negative points with positive. 
Let’s be honest. No one likes a “Negative Nancy.” Find the silver linings in each situation. Then balance your statements with both positive and negative points.
4. Stay on point (without bringing up the past) 
You’ve had disagreements in the past, but those were already (or may still need to be) resolved. Leave them in the past or for another discussion. Keep the conversation focused on the points you want to address now.
5. Don’t accuse or blame. 
Playing the blame game is a quick way to get your partner to shut off and stop listening. Avoid making accusations. Instead, speak from the heart and tell your partner how you see the situation. He’ll be much more receptive to your message when he doesn’t feel like he’s sitting on a trial.
6. Take ownership. 
It’s rare that fault lies solely on one person’s shoulders. If something is wrong, take ownership for your portion. You’ll take the heat off your partner, making it easier to convey your points and come to a mutual agreement instead of sounding like your blaming and being argumentative.
7. Agree to disagree, respectfully 
Understand that you might not always agree and that’s okay. Even if you cannot reach a full agreement, you can still respect the other person’s position on the matter at hand. At least you know you’ve voiced your perspective and opinions, and you were both heard in the process.Click Here to access a FREE audio lesson on how to tame your temper and regain your connectionTo find out more about my services click here: Couples Counseling