There’s No Spark

With spring finally approaching, I can’t wait to shed this heavy coat and start enjoying warmer days. The days are getting longer and I’m sure most of us who were stuck in the cold weather are looking forward to spending more time outdoors.

I received a question from one of my subscribers, Brett, who is in his 30’s and has been dating a woman for a little over a year. He is agonizing over whether to break up with her. He complains that he doesn’t feel a spark with her. He enjoys her company and respects her as a person but wants to feel “head over heels” for the woman he is dating. He said he’s afraid to break up, as he doesn’t know if what he wants really exists out there. He asks: “Is this as good as it gets? Should I give up a wonderful and kind woman for a possible fantasy?”

I told Brett that having a spark is important regardless of whether you have it instantaneously with someone or if it grows as you get to know each other. The spark keeps a relationship exciting and motivates you to get more involved, grow and evolve together. It helps to sustain the physical and emotional intimacy.

There are many wonderful and attractive people out there so no one should have to settle out of fear. I advised Brett to try to overcome his fear of being alone. He needs to see this as an opportunity to explore and process what it would be like to be on his own and single.

It is also unfair to his girlfriend because she deserves to be with someone who feels that spark for her. I suggested to Brett that if there is no spark, he might want to free himself so that he could get out there and start dating other women. Dating gives you a point of reference as you meet people and figure out what is important and who resonates for you. You should never feel that you have to settle. As with everything in life, we need to look for what we want and try to obtain it so that we can enjoy, live to the fullest, and have no regrets.

Should Brett take the risk and break up with his girlfriend? He deserves to feel the spark in a relationship. You never know what the universe has in store for us and the surprises that await us.

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By |2018-09-22T16:24:27+00:00March 26th, 2015|Divorce and Breakup Counseling|